Gwyneth Paltrow. We need to talk. You are smokin’ hot and in ridiculous shape (as showcased by the, uh, questionable gown you wore last night to the Emmys), but it’s time to address something that has been troubling me:

What in the heck is that? And by that, I mean your hair. A center part and vaguely mousy looking? You can do better! You are Gwyneth freaking Paltrow for crying out loud! I am distressed to read that this hair look was created by David Babaii. It was distressing because that means someone actually did this to you. On purpose. He called this hair “straight edgy”. I have a better name for it: “limp boring”.